I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
