Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
