if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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