If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
