I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
