took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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