I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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