There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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