my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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