So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
