tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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