Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
