it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
