Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
