I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
