I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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