my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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