does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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