hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
