Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
there is puke in my bra ... again
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