I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize