Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
