I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
