Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
