You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
