is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
