I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
