i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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