I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
