I just threw up on my dentist
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
