I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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