She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
