Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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