I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
