so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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