You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
