By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
