I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
