do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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