you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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