I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
