Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
