From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
