Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
