Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Less talking, more tequila
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
