Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
