I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's get the cat blown out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
