hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
