i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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