you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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