Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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