my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is the high leading the old right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
