Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
smell my finger.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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