I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
