holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He did a backflip because drugs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
