yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had to cum in my sink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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