clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
