i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
